Child Development Questionnaire Part 2

[melwil]

This is the second part of the Child Development Questionnaire. Please fill in the first part over at the other entry

(Questionnaire developed by Linda Gilmore and Jennifer Campbell (2004) QUT: Brisbane)



[Poll #330336]


If you have any other comments please post them in the comments *g*

Comments

[peacockharpy.livejournal.com]

On the "two boys who push and hit" question, I think that in addition to realizing it's normal behavior, I'd also correct the boys and tell them it's not nice to push and hit. If they persist, I'd separate them for a little while ("If you can't play nicely together, you'll have to play separately"). The poll offers only a "never let them play together again" option, which is too extreme, I think.

[krazykitkat.livejournal.com]

Agreed. A couple of questions I wanted to add extra to.
With the 3 year old with the baby sister, as well as spending more time with him, I think the big boy explanation is also needed.

[fernwithy.livejournal.com]

I'd agree with that.

But I think that in the case as stated, the actions were pretty plainly a "Give me attention" sort of thing.

And the best response of all wasn't there--to not only pay the older child love and attention (as is his due), but also to involve him in being the big brother and treat this as a very special new change for him. Granted, it won't work all the time at first, but constant reinforcement of how great it is to be a big brother will eventually sink in.

[persephone-kore.livejournal.com]

I agree with you there. Similarly, on the refusal to share toys, I'd consider trying to encourage sharing without getting agitated over the situation being abnormal. (Sharing is one of those things that comes in gray areas, I think. It's nice to share. It can have advantages to oneself as well as to the person getting shared with or given something. On the other hand, there are situations where it's inadvisable for reasons of hygiene or one child being much more likely to break something than the other, for instance. And it can lose something if forced, in some situations.)

I did get the feeling, on another note, that some of the questions were... steering, to some extent. Not phrased as neutrally as they could have been, with the possibile effect of biasing the results somewhat. "Threaten them with punishment," for example, sounds much harsher than "Remind them of the rules and that there will be consequences if they don't play nicely" -- which could technically describe the very same scenario with different attitudes, but the first suggests the parent looming ominously, whereas the second suggests a calm warning that they will, for example, be separated if they don't behave. I don't think delineating unacceptable behavior and its consequences ahead of time would be inappropriate -- I don't think discouraging the kids from pushing or hitting would be unreasonable, though if they're just play-fighting and not hurting one another it might not be absolutely necessary -- but the quiz seems to suggest that the only possible responses are acceptance or overreaction.

[peacockharpy.livejournal.com]

*nods*

I felt, with this survey, that I was being tested -- would I pick the right answer, or one of these wrong answers?

I think the poll might be more valuable if there were several options (no judgemental language) and we could choose more than one (for example, combining "understand that it's a 2-y-o thing" with "warning to child" and "eventual separation").

In fact, in a question like this one:

If two boys, both two years old, seem to push and hit when they play together, their parents should
a) never allow them to play together

This is extreme but might be correct if, for example, the other child is provoking yours and the other child's parent is a jerk about it.

b) before play begins threaten them with punishment if they push and hit

This is, as you said, phrased very negatively -- there's a world of difference between "I'll knock you into next week if you don't stop hitting!" and "If you and Jim don't play nicely together, we'll have to leave and not stay for lunch." Both are punishments, but the degree is different. (I'd be willing to choose this answer if it were phrased more positively.)

c) realise that this is normal behaviour for two-year-olds

I picked this because guess what -- it's "right." But it doesn't preclude some response on the parents' part. I just didn't like the responses offered.

d) be concerned that the boys are overly aggressive

This presumes more information than is available (what degree of pushing and hitting?). Are we talking endangerment, or just mild shoving? Not clear, and certainly not enough to make this judgement.

Side note: As the mom of a 1 1/2 year-old, I have broken up play that's gotten out of hand -- Meg doesn't mean to hurt and simply pulling her away from the "play" and explaining that she must "play nice" works pretty well. But that's not an option to choose here. (Not that she's a boy, but I think it should be "two children" and gender left off.)

[krazykitkat.livejournal.com]

I felt, with this survey, that I was being tested -- would I pick the right answer, or one of these wrong answers?

I think the poll might be more valuable if there were several options (no judgemental language) and we could choose more than one (for example, combining "understand that it's a 2-y-o thing" with "warning to child" and "eventual separation").

Totally agree on both those points.
Many of the answers did seem biased, and too simplistic.
There is normal behaviour for an age group, but you also have to teach and steer.

[melwil.livejournal.com]

I'm getting this a lot. Matt said the same thing about it when he did the questionnaire.

The answers were meant to be written in a style that lots of people could understand. I'm thinking that there's not enough range though. I'm really beginning to wish I could use a different questionnaire.

These comments would be great for a critique of the questionnaire. I need to put them to my professors and she what they say *g*

[fernwithy.livejournal.com]

Again, a few choices not here.

Remind of the rules calmly. If the child persists, then yes--spank. But only after removing the child from the situation. Public humiliation is a lousy teacher, but one sharp spank stays on the brain. (I think I got about two of them as a child.) I know the contemporary cant is "never spank"--I did take college psych--but I gotta say... nope. Bad advice.

The questions on playing:
I would point out that if girls are being aggressive or boys are ignoring one another my answers would be the same. Unless they're actively hurting one another, there's no reason not to let them play as they choose. (With the girls, I admit that I might give them toys that would encourage a little more aggression. We have enough milksops in the world. But if they rejected them, no big. You can't force a child's personality to be other than what it is; you can only direct him to use it toward good ends.)

[baggers.livejournal.com]

I'm with you. Spanking in some cases is far more effective than anything else. It's like touching something hot, you only learn, when young, that you shouldn't touch it because you have seen the consequences of your actions, not because you were told not to.

I've never quite got how people could make the leap from spanking to beating, and lump it all in one category.

[senoritafish.livejournal.com]

Did I pass?

Heh, just kidding.

While the answers I gave would be in an ideal situation, it doesn't always work out that way.

[mrs-who.livejournal.com]

Your choices were somewhat limited for several of the questions, leaving me to choose the best answer from among your suggestions, however not necessarily something I would have done. (Perhaps an "other" mark with space for explanation?)

[melwil.livejournal.com]

That was my problem with the questionnaire - the university lecturers designed this last year and it's a bit strange. Keep talking though - these discussions are as valuable, if not more valuable, that the questionnaire itself

[cerulgalactus.livejournal.com]

I just did all this in Developmental Psych. I am le smart.