Fic: Hurt (G) Spooks
Apr. 7th, 2007 04:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
melwilTitle: Hurt
Author: MelWil
Fandom: Spooks
Rating: G
Spoilers: Up to and including 3.10. Please don't spoil me past 4.4
Summary: Danny watches in the aftermath
*
They hurt more than they let on.
They go on with their lives, of course – the sun continues to rise and set, terrorists continue to make their plans, government officials undermine the service from the inside – but inside, in that place where everything personal gets pushed aside, they still hurt.
It's not just me they hurt for. They hurt for Tom and for Zoe. For having no contact outside their own tight, strangling circle. For the fractures in Adam and Fiona's marriage. For the concrete barriers building up, higher and higher, around Ruth.
They hurt.
There's not much I can do to help them. I've been told my presence is temporary, a miscalculation, as if someone has lost the forms, or forgotten to sign the official documents. At first I thought it was punishment, you know, for killing someone, but I have been assured that it's just a slight hiccup.
Sometimes I sit here, watching the world around me, and I wonder if it was worth it. Maybe it would have been better if I'd never entered the security forces, if I'd never entertained the idea of becoming a spy. I would have been able to look after my mum then. I would have been able to have normal relationships with other people. There might even have been children.
But then I remember who I was and where I was heading. I remember that no other job fitted like being a spy did. I remember the times when I loved the job.
It's the questions like these that make me miss Zoe the most. I can't see Zoe, you know. She's too far away, too separate from the reality in front of me.
I can see Tom though, occasionally, a shadow around the edge of my vision. He pretends that everything is alright, that a house and family and money don't make him miss the things he left behind. That they allow him to forget the things he destroyed. There are times when his decisions make me want to hit him, to show him what's really going on.
The pictures are beginning to fade a little, like mistakes are being corrected, everything checked twice, 'i's dotted and 't's crossed. I tell myself that I don't want to move, that I'd like to sit in a static position, at least until I have the chance to catch my breath. But that's not what they have in store for me.
We never know what's going to happen next.
Author: MelWil
Fandom: Spooks
Rating: G
Spoilers: Up to and including 3.10. Please don't spoil me past 4.4
Summary: Danny watches in the aftermath
*
They hurt more than they let on.
They go on with their lives, of course – the sun continues to rise and set, terrorists continue to make their plans, government officials undermine the service from the inside – but inside, in that place where everything personal gets pushed aside, they still hurt.
It's not just me they hurt for. They hurt for Tom and for Zoe. For having no contact outside their own tight, strangling circle. For the fractures in Adam and Fiona's marriage. For the concrete barriers building up, higher and higher, around Ruth.
They hurt.
There's not much I can do to help them. I've been told my presence is temporary, a miscalculation, as if someone has lost the forms, or forgotten to sign the official documents. At first I thought it was punishment, you know, for killing someone, but I have been assured that it's just a slight hiccup.
Sometimes I sit here, watching the world around me, and I wonder if it was worth it. Maybe it would have been better if I'd never entered the security forces, if I'd never entertained the idea of becoming a spy. I would have been able to look after my mum then. I would have been able to have normal relationships with other people. There might even have been children.
But then I remember who I was and where I was heading. I remember that no other job fitted like being a spy did. I remember the times when I loved the job.
It's the questions like these that make me miss Zoe the most. I can't see Zoe, you know. She's too far away, too separate from the reality in front of me.
I can see Tom though, occasionally, a shadow around the edge of my vision. He pretends that everything is alright, that a house and family and money don't make him miss the things he left behind. That they allow him to forget the things he destroyed. There are times when his decisions make me want to hit him, to show him what's really going on.
The pictures are beginning to fade a little, like mistakes are being corrected, everything checked twice, 'i's dotted and 't's crossed. I tell myself that I don't want to move, that I'd like to sit in a static position, at least until I have the chance to catch my breath. But that's not what they have in store for me.
We never know what's going to happen next.